Ride the Wolfpack Hustle

Do you live in San Francisco and have a certain amount of antipathy towards our bigger southern neighbor? Smog, traffic, fake boobs, bleached hair, surf culture, bling bling, road rage, endless sprawl, image, style, no substance...no, I'm not talking about San Jose; I'm talking about Los Angeles.

Well, if you have a bike and like to a. ride, b. ride fast, and c. ride fast at night, you now have a reason to visit Los Angeles (!): Wolfpack Hustle.


An amazing--a-m-a-z-i-n-g--way to experience an otherwise not-so-bike-friendly city, Wolfpack Hustle is a 25- to 50-mile ride that begins at a donut shop in Silverlake


at 10PM every Monday. People gather with their bikes--geared or fix--and await the announcement of directions to the first stop, chatting, smoking pot, whatever. A two-minute warning is given and then--bam!--you're off to the fucking races (but not really, because it's not a race.) An all-out effort is made, at speeds mostly above 20MPH: skirting cars, around pedestrians and through (some) red lights.

Like Critical Mass, the route changes every week. Unlike Critical Mass, you may feel the need to puke up that quesadilla, bag of Skittles and can of Tecate you naively consumed--thought this was gonna be like Critical Mass, huh?--immediately prior to pounding the shit out of your pedals as you whiz down Sunset into West Hollywood clubland, streaking past the dropping jaws of the drunk and drugged staring at the pack of 25 bikers hustling past.

You arrive at the first stop. You catch your breath, have some water, bullshit with the other riders. Maybe you take a piss. Then comes the next batch of directions, with corresponding stop. Two-minute warning. Bam! Go!

Along the way you take in the (nighttime!) metropolis, watch out for potholes, talk when you can, occasionally see your semi-delirious grin reflected on the face of the rider next to you, draft a lot, and--above all--keep up.


A few hours after you began, you return to the start, bullshit some, get a donut, stretch a bit, and go home. Next week the route is different; hopefully you can make it.


Wolfpack Hustle is fucking awesome. It is a ride that has been going for well over 52 weeks straight, and is faintly reminiscent--a bunch of (mostly) dudes come together in the middle of the night to work, sweat, and (occasionally) bleed, damning (in this case) automotive society, and whatever sort of on-the-job Tuesday a five-hour night of sleep will bring, to hell--of Fight Club. For another account of what it's like to ride, go here. I worship, from afar, the people who started it.

Go to Baker Beach on a nice day

Perhaps a banal suggestion, but it's probably one you haven't followed as often as you should have.

Nice days in the Presidio are like affordable housing in San Francisco, so if you receive reports that it might be fog-less and warm out there, go. However, it is likely that many will have been struck with the same idea, so avoid the crowded parking lot by taking the bus or riding that darn bicycle of yours.

List of things to bring:

1. Towel
2. Swimsuit (optional if you head to the north end of the beach--see below)
3. Tall boy(s) of Tecate
4. A soccer ball (or some other sporting good with which to hit oblivious sunbathers/little children running around in screaming packs/lecherous old men watching oblivious sunbathers and/or little children running around in screaming packs)
5. Sun block (in San Francisco?!)

Gratuitous and wholly unnecessary picture of naked people on Baker Beach:


Baker Beach is located in the Presidio. It is served by the 29 bus, which directly intersects the 1, 2, 5, 31, 38, and 71 lines, and (talking about the 29 still) is one block off the N-Judah at 19th and Irving in the Sunset. On bike, take Lake Street west from Arguello or, if you want to go through Golden Gate Park, exit the park and go north on 24th or 26th, changing to 25th as it descends towards the beach after Lake. (Here are a few online Muni maps.) Picnic tables and barbecues are available near the parking lot. Restrooms are available too.

Abandon your old furniture outside of Danielle Steel's house

You've got to get rid of that beer-stained couch before you move out.



The bestselling romance novelist Danielle Steel lives in a 55-room Beaux Arts-style mansion on Washington, at Octavia, in Pacific Heights.



Mere coincidence? Or a cosmic sign that the meeting of your sofa and her sidewalk was written into Destiny's pages by the pen of Fate? You decide.

(If you consult Google's Street View, you'll see that Octavia, being the more minor of the two streets, is probably the better on which to dump the offensive love seat.)


The Spreckels Mansion, as Ms. Steel's residence is known, was built in 1913 by the sugar heir and racehorse owner Adolph Spreckels for his wife, Alma. If you've been to Union Square (or seen the movie The Conversation), it is likely you've seen the likeness of Alma, as she served as the model for this statue. Adolph and Alma also donated the money, and much art, to found the Legion of Honor museum in the Outer Richmond. For more information about Danielle Steel, see this article and interview. (In case you do, and then wonder where else you might have heard the name Tom Perkins, see here for an answer.) . For more information about Alma de Bretteville Spreckels, see this short biography. And for more information on the history of the California Palace of the Legion of Honor, see here.

Go for a bike ride through the Alexander and Russian River Valleys

Remember that $4000 Cannondale you bought when you first moved to Cow Hollow? Do you still know where it is? If so, take it to a bike shop and have them tune it up for you in time for the weekend. Ignore the snarky comments they'll (rightly) make about the pristine condition of your tires. You can tell them that you are so excited to be going on a gorgeous bike ride through the same Alexander Valley that supplies the wine to all of your "fave" restaurants in the Marina. Don't mind the blank looks on the mechanics' faces--the only kind of wine Zeitgeist serves comes in juice boxes.

Highlights of this 45-mile trip include the kind of scenery plump, prosperous people from Tennessee on flights home from San Francisco talk about having seen from the tinted windows of an air-conditioned bus while on a Napa wine tour--"we just adooore Napa"--except this isn't Napa, so there aren't a zillion cars and there's more than two routes you can take on your ride through the valley.

Stop for lunch at the Jimtown Store--"the cool place with the hot name"--for a snack and a water refill.

To add some hills to an otherwise-flat ride, when following the directions on the linked-to route slip below, turn right off Hwy 128 just before Jimtown onto the misleadingly named Pine Flat Road for a hill-assisted view of the valley. (Pine Flat dead ends 12 miles off of 128, the last two miles of which are said to compose the steepest section of road in the county.)


For a map and directions, a route slip created by the Santa Rosa Cycling Club is available here. To add about 12 miles onto the route's total, turn right and continue on Hwy 128 north after Jimtown instead of continuing straight onto Alexander Valley Rd. Take Hwy 128 all the way to Geyserville, turning right on Geyserville Ave. Follow Geyserville Ave. under the 101, where it changes to Canyon Rd. Take Canyon Rd. up the small-ish hill until it dead ends at Dry Creek Rd. Turn left onto Dry Creek Rd. and follow that until you come to downtown Healdsburg. At this point, find Mill St./Westside Rd. and resume the directions given on route slip. See here for a map of the addition.

Camp at Kirby Cove

The countdown to grad school in New York has barely begun and you're already getting teary-eyed over any mention of the Golden Gate Bridge. Your absentminded doodling at work has increasingly resulted in sketches of trees, birds, the San Francisco skyline and fog--oh wait, that last one is really just the dried result of a sneeze. What better place for a send-off bash than the campsites at Kirby Cove?


With only four sites, a sandy beach, and a close-up view (when not occluded by fog) of the bridge, with the city in the background,


you'll have to be diligent in your efforts to obtain a reservation. Luckily--unlike the 7-months-in-advance system of most California State Parks--you and every other REI member in San Francisco have only a 90-day window to battle it out to reserve a spot, meaning that you can have a fun, black-out weekend-with-a-view with nine of your friends before you have to concentrate your energies on finding the perfect sub-$1000 place in Brooklyn.


Kirby Cove is a campground just over the ol' Golden Gate in the Golden Gate National Recreation Area. Reservations attempts are made by phoning 877.444.6777 or online at recreation.gov. There are four campsites with fire rings--bring wood--that cost $25 each per night and allow a maximum of 10 people and 3 cars per site. You have to walk all of your shit down (and up) a big hill, so leave the portable fondue set at home. And don't forget ear plugs--ever wondered what a foghorn sounds like up close at 3.30AM?

Enjoy the views from Buena Vista Park

Whether you're looking for a view of the northern part of the city, downtown and the bay, or of aged citizens walking their dogs through surprisingly natural-looking (for a park) greenery, or of lone middle-aged men peering out at you from said greenery, you will find what you seek in Buena Vista Park.



Which of these you'll see more of depends on the time of day and the part of the park you visit.

Bring a picnic lunch and sit on the grassy spot at the top of the park. For a better view, head down and east from the top to the solitary bench that looks north through a break in the trees.

If tennis is your thing, there are courts at the park's far eastern end.

And if you fancy a different sort of workout, head off a trail and wait in the undergrowth, counting out the syllables in "Sen-a-tor Lar-ry Craig" with taps of your foot to pass the time.


Buena Vista Park is easily accessed from Haight Street at Central Avenue in the Upper Haight. Larry Craig is a Republican senator from Idaho who has voted for a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage, against expanding the definition of hate crimes to include sexual orientation, and against prohibiting job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and who was recently arrested by a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a men's restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, and who subsequently pleaded guilty as a result of this arrest.

Go for a swim in Bass Lake

It's understandable that you may be antsy--this being one of your last weekends and all--about not having sampled enough of Bay Area nature since moving to San Francisco. Day-to-day life, with its chores and hangovers, got in the way, and suddenly your days are numbered and you've begun to sweat. Lucky for you it's the heat that's the cause, and that now you've got a beautiful way to cool off, Marin-style.

Bass Lake is part of the Point Reyes National Seashore and is located near the town of Bolinas. It's a pretty little thing that comes at the end of about a 2.5-mile easy-ish hike. Strip down to your bathing or birthday suit--nude bathing is supposedly common here--and jump in. There is a recurring rope swing somewhere on the shore, much to the consternation and resulting efforts of officialdom, so keep and eye out and be careful if you find and attempt it.


To get there, take Highway 1 north from Stinson Beach. Just north of Bolinas Lagoon, turn left on exit to Bolinas. (The welcoming Bolinas residents regularly tear down the sign that marks this turn-off, so you may have to resort to guesswork here.) Follow the road as it curves along the lagoon and eventually ends at Olema-Bolinas Road, and continue along Olema-Bolinas Road to the stop sign at Mesa Road. Turn right on Mesa and drive four miles, until it becomes a dirt road and ends at a parking lot. Take the Palomarin Trail from the dirt lot. After a couple of miles you'll come to a junction. Continue left on the Coastal Trail. You'll eventually see the lake, so at this point begin searching for a small path to the water's edge.

Eat a weekday lunch at SFAI

Spectacular views of the city and the bay. A mural by Diego Rivera. Exhibits of student art that rotate on a weekly basis. Great, cheap, healthy food. There are few better places to eat lunch in San Francisco.

Half Italian/Spanish monastery and half poured-cement Modernist angularity, the school building itself is pretty great. You first enter a quiet courtyard with a fountain at its center, trees providing shade, and student art hanging on the walls along the periphery. A bell tower looms overhead. To the left is the Diego Rivera Gallery, home of the eponymous mural as well as year-round student-run exhibitions of student artwork. To the right are various classrooms and administrative offices. If you continue straight through the courtyard and up the ramp you enter the modern addition to the original building. A curated gallery exhibiting the work of professional artists is on the left. Past that is the cafe.

They've got all the coffee drinks, bagels and other similar snacks, a full sandwich menu and heartier specials--e.g., roast 1/4 chicken, dal and rice, Thai curry, different salads and flatbread pizzas--that change daily. There are always at least a couple veggie options. I've not seen anything over eight bucks, and you can usually eat something delicious that will fill you up for about five. Eat your lunch inside at one of the tables, or, even better, up on the roof, where you can enjoy the food and the view at the same time.


The San Francisco Art Institute is located at 800 Chestnut, a block and a half west up the hill from Columbus. The cafe is open for lunch, on weekdays only, until 2pm. Your best bet is to bike, though the 20 and the 30 buses both service Columbus. It might even be worth the cab fare. For more information about the architectural history of SFAI, go here.

One word: Alcatraz

Enough said.


Alcatraz is possibly the most famous island in the world. It's the one with the lighthouse that you see when looking north across the bay from (god help you) Fisherman's Wharf. It can also be seen in the miniature on everything from handbags to fleece vests to shot glasses to smashed, engraved pennies that cost a dollar. It has starred in a number of movies, including:

Escape from Alcatraz,


Birdman of Alcatraz,


Murder in the First


and, of course,

The Rock

If you've already been there and are tempted to go back for a final farewell, it might be fun to instead pose as a tour guide and see how many unsuspecting folks you can sign up for a "scenic driving tour" of the island. Report back when finished.

Get Mexican and beers and eat in Dolores Park

Since prehistoric times, man has found comfort and clarity in eating outside. Only recently has he taken to eating microwaved frozen science projects while seated in overstuffed reclining chairs and facing flat panels frenetically churning with consumerist imagery. The delivery man and the drive-thru are the mallet and stake piercing the now-clogged heart of America's healthy, fresh-air digestion.

All of which bring us back to grabbing a burrito, a tall boy of Tecate and taking them to the gentle green slopes of Dolores Park. Find an unpeopled bit of grass and call up your friends to join you. Bring a book or a frisbee or that little one-hitter you bought from your sister's stoner girlfriend when you visited her at Smith while still in high school. Don't forget a jacket though, as this is San Francisco, Land Devoid of Warm Nights.

Your hunter-gather forebears would be appalled if you moved to Brooklyn without having spent an evening eating on the grass in the sunny Mission. Tsk tsk.


Dolores Park is bounded by 18th and 20th north and south, and by Dolores and Church on the east and west. It is usually quite crowded on a nice day or evening, but there's always room for one more. Additional optional accessories depend on the part of the park in which you choose to sit: fixie and ironic smirk (corner of Dolores and 18th), attention-starved dog and/or soccer ball (the dusty plateau behind the basketball courts), a young child (the playground directly in the center), a Speedo, tanning oil and mirrored Prada sun glasses (the upper corner at 20th and Church).

Spend a day on BART

No, I'm not kidding.

Why not ride the entirety of the public transit system that was named the #1 transit system in America--in the ">30 million annual passenger trips" category--by the prestigious American Public Transportation Association?

Weekend or weekday, you're bound to find something interesting on BART. Take a book, a pad of paper and a pen, your thoughts, some light refreshments and a switchblade to deter the crazies and get on at the station of your choice.

Never seen Fremont? Always wondered what Concord looked like? Colma? For the low price of $4.65 you've got three (or more--ask your station agent) hours to tour all 104 miles that BART has to offer--without exiting any stations--before returning to the station where your adventure began.


For a fascinatingly detailed look at the history of BART, go here. For those wanting more dates and less narrative, here is a 74-page chronology of the birth of BART. And here is information relating to everything bike on the BART system, just in case you can't stifle that urge to get off and see all that Dublin has to offer.

Visit the Marin Headlands

The Headlands are the brown/green hills you can see--when there isn't fog, at least--directly across the Golden Gate Bridge. The road that snakes up to the top of Hawk Hill "affords spectacular views of San Francisco" and is a part of the popular "Headlands Loop" bike ride that many cyclists make a part of their training regimen. (For those who don't know, this is easily doable after work during the summer months.)

It is likely that you visited the Headlands if you came to San Francisco as a tourist before moving here. Ditto if you've lived in the city for a while, have a bicycle or access to some kind of personal motorized transport and have entertained out-of-town visitors. But if you're like my friend who recently left San Francisco after living in the Bay Area for six years and had never been to the Headlands and didn't have a car...take the bus--see below.

Lots of good stuff to do/see here. There's Point Bonita Lighthouse, a Nike missile silo, a beach, a lagoon, a hostel, lots of hiking and mountain biking trails and a nice place to view the sunset (when there isn't fog).


The 76 Marin Headlands runs only on Sundays and holidays. Here is a schedule and a route map.

Admire the view from the top of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel

This is a pretty spectacular, if under-appreciated, view. From the vantage point of a glass "skyway" 48 stories above the street, you'll find clear lines of sight due south--the South Bay, the Mission and Daly City--and, even better, north--the Golden Gate, Alcatraz, Angel's Island, Marin and beyond. Maybe the best part about the whole deal, however, is the sense of scale you get of the Transamerica Pyramid and how it towers over most everything around it.

But this view doesn't come easily. Where you're going isn't public space, meaning that you've got to evade a couple lines of people who are paid, in part, to keep people like you out. You've basically got two options here: pay whatever exorbitant price they charge to stay the night or pretend that you paid whatever exorbitant price they charge to stay the night.

(Additional options do exist. For example, somehow obtain a uniform and impersonate an employee of the hotel, actually get a job there, falsify the necessary credentials and permits and then visit the hotel in the guise of a building inspector, etc.)

But assuming that you usually favor the cheapest and least-complicated options in life, put on your sternest businesswoman's face and your most sensible pair of pumps and just stride through the smallish lobby to the bank of elevators in back, ignoring any welcoming comments directed at you. Go to the elevator and take it all the way to the top. Once there, head towards the the glass-walled section of hallway, taking care to avoid making any suspicious and/or obviously déclassé moves that might alert someone to the fact that you don't belong.


The Mandarin Oriental Hotel, also known as 345 California Center, is located at 222 Sansome Street. It is notable for a number of reasons: 1) It is the third-tallest building in San Francisco; 2) It is the tallest mid-block building in San Francisco; 3) It is perhaps the only distinctly Chinese-looking tall building in the San Francisco skyline--my opinion. (For a while I thought that it bore a subtle resemblance to the Bank of China tower in Hong Kong--maybe it's the antennae--but I'm not so sure anymore.)